It all started with a question from a Chinese friend.
Why do Japanese people say, ” Can I come to like you? ” ?
He explained that “The Boyfriend” is a same-sex dating reality show set in Japan, featuring participants from various backgrounds, not only Japanese people, and one of the participants in a reality show said this phrase.
In New Zealand, where I currently live, same-sex marriage is legal, and I have several friends who are in same-sex relationships. Since Japan is a country with a low level of understanding towards LGBT people (Meltwater Japan, 2023), I thought, “This is so Netflix”, and decided to watch the show right away.
“That summer, I fell in love with him…” Nine guys begin living together in a seaside beach house, where they enjoy a special time entirely dedicated to love and friendship. Their unforgettable summer is about to begin…
“The Boyfriend” features a group of nine young men who are attracted to other guys as they live together in a seaside beach house called the “Green Room” and run a peppermint-colored coffee truck. Whether they are here to meet a romantic partner, find a lifelong friend or improve themselves, these men bring their hopes and dreams to the Green Room to take part in the first gay romance reality show in Japan.
Studio commentators: Megumi, Chiaki Horan, Thelma Aoyama, Durian Lollobrigida, and Yoshimi Tokui
Get ready for an unforgettable summer of love and friendship with The Boyfriend. The newly released trailer introduces audiences to the nine young men who spend a month together in a beach house, running a coffee truck and experiencing the highs and lows of falling in love.
Expect a blend of romance, camaraderie, jealousy, and everything in between — including a kiss so memorable that host Yoshimi Tokui predicts it will go down in history. As these individuals confront their true selves and take brave steps forward, viewers will cheer them on every step of the way.
L to R: Alan, 29, IT company employee from Brazil; Dai, 22, university student; Gensei, 34, hair and makeup artist from Taiwan
L to R: Ikuo, 22, food service industry worker; Kazuto, 27, Japanese cuisine chef; Ryota, 28, model and barista
L to R: Shun, 23, artist; Taeheon, 34, designer from Korea; Usak, 36, go-go dancer
First of all, the cast members are so charming and awesome!
To be honest, I wasn’t a big fan of Japanese reality shows. Interestingly, I can enjoy overseas reality shows as entertainment from another world, detached from my own reality. However, I found it difficult to enjoy Japanese reality shows or understand the cast’s behaviour. Even though the participants and I share similar cultural and social contexts, their values often seem different from mine, which somehow prevents me from feeling a sense of connection or sympathy. Despite that, “The Boyfriend” was completely enjoyable for me.
One reason might be the slow-paced development of the narrative at the beginning. There wasn’t an atmosphere of rushing toward dramatic events. While the participants were living together in an unusual environment, the show still maintained a calm, everyday feeling. Within that, the participants’ values and ways of thinking were subtly represented in the show.
Later on, the relationships between the cast gradually changed, and towards the end, there were some heart-pounding moments! However, it varied from person to person; some members’ relationships progressed, while others didn’t end up in a romantic relationship. From the viewer’s perspective, the flow of the series felt natural and new. What stood out to me was how, within their limited time, each person was trying to realise their own answers or concepts. It simply moved me.
For me, and probably for many of you, reality shows are a form of entertainment where we can study and delve into the participants’ characters. As the episodes unfolded, it was revealed that each participant had their own unique life experiences, including moments of difficulty. On the one hand, what we see is only some aspects because the content is edited. On the other hand, the audience also feels a genuine connection with the characters, getting to know the cast deeper and closer than any other fiction series. Certainly, THE BOYFRIEND’s cast clutches our hearts.
As proof of that, my partner, who initially showed no interest at all, ended up memorising the participants’ names perfectly by the end and even wondered, “I wonder if they’re on Instagram?” He doesn’t even have an account himself, but he’s curious about the participants’ private lives or what happened to them afterwards.
The Culture of “Do you mind if I fall in love with you?”
The problematic phrase, “Can I come to like you?”. Let me explain again—this all started with a question from my Chinese friend before I had watched the series.
” Why do Japanese people say, ‘Can I come to like you?’? “
I said, ” I think it’s because Japanese people care about other people’s feelings, so they ask that way. “
He usually watches foreign shows with Chinese subtitles and speaks with me in English, and he continued:
” Chinese subtitle means ‘Can I come to like you?’. Is this translation even correct? Chinese culture and values are similar to those of Japanese culture, but I’ve only seen this phrase in Japanese movies or series. “
” The phrase is used a lot. I’m sure the translation is correct.”, I responded and started thinking about the phrase.
Can I come to like you?
あなたのことを好きになっていいですか？
He is right. This English phrase sounds very unnatural, especially for English learners. We my friend and me both speak English as a second language, and the phrase “Can I~?” feels like asking for permission.
” Do we need permission to have feelings of liking someone? And even if we ask, can we control such feelings? “
My friend said,
” That’s why I feel so strange. “
While emotions should be controlled as a mature person, the feeling of “liking” someone or something doesn’t inherently require permission. I explained my thoughts on why this phrase is used.
“ I think it’s about respecting the other person’s feelings and checking if they feel the same to avoid getting hurt. By asking, ‘ Can I come to like you? ‘ or ‘ Do you mind if I fall in love with you?’, you can gauge the others’ feelings. If the answer is positive, you feel safe to show your feelings toward the person and perhaps take the relationship further; otherwise, you know it’s unlikely to progress. ”
He laughed and said,
” That’s just the Japanese people. You guys are too serious! “
Spoiler Alert! The following contains spoilers.
The phrase appears in Episode 7. With a serious expression, Ikuo calls out to Kazuto and says,
Do you mind if I fall in love?
好きになってもいいですか？
I felt a warm flutter from that scene and also wondered how this phrase sounds to a native English speaker. I asked my New Zealand partner, watching with me, about the scene and phrases.
”I don’t hear it often in English-speaking countries, but I think it’s a good idea. Checking if you’re on the same page makes sense.”
Yes. That is a very realistic opinion, just like him—and that’s just his opinion, of course.
What I Think Now
It seems that the show has been receiving a tremendous response in Japan. Additionally, it has garnered attention outside of Japan, with articles about the series and its cast featured in international media.
Meet the Cast of Netflix’s ‘The Boyfriend,’ Japan’s First Same-Sex Dating Show
This summer’s coziest reality series prioritizes heartwarming authenticity over chaotic melodrama.
The series, of course, highlighted topics, struggles, and past experiences that are especially common to people in the LGBT community.
Listening to the cast’s conversations makes me realise that their struggles don’t occur in a different world because we all feel them in some form. Challenges and negative past experiences differ in degree and context, but they are universal to all humanity.
Watching this series reminded us that respecting others’ opinions and values is meaningful, even if people disagree. In order to do so, communication is crucial. Living abroad, I frequently meet people with entirely different backgrounds, and it reinforces this belief.
Personally, I don’t particularly appreciate categorising people because it seems biased, but we are often classified from various angles, even unintentionally. It’s not avoidable. I try to see things objectively but still have my own beliefs and values and often struggle to understand others’ behaviour. Yet, I sincerely want to be someone who can respect others’ perspectives, even when they differ from my own.
A peaceful and warmhearted Netflix series that still keeps your heart racing, “THE BOYFRIEND.” If you want to learn about the culture of “Can I come to like you?” be sure to check it out!
